Highlights from Chapter 2
Trust and Obey
Who is among you that fears the LORD,
That obeys the voice of His servant,
That walks in darkness and has no light?
Let him trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God.
—Isaiah 50:10
If you are like many women who want restoration in their lives, you must not only trust that only God can restore your relationship, but you must also obey His Word. Are you willing to follow God’s Word, no matter what it costs? No matter how much it hurts?
Don’t run to others about your situation. Run to God—search His Word for your answer. “. . . Seek and you will find . . .” (Matt. 7:7, Luke 11:9). “He is the Mighty Counselor” (Isa. 9:6). “Do not walk in the counsel of the ungodly” (Ps. 1:1). And please save yourself a lot of hurt and confusion—don’t tell others or talk to others about your situation: “May a slanderer not be established in the earth” (Ps. 140:11).
“For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matt. 12:37). “A slanderer separates intimate friends” (Prov. 16:28; see also Prov. 17:9.)
Stop all arguing! This one principle will be a deciding factor as to whether your relationship will be restored. There are so many Scriptures on this topic, pages and pages I could type out for you. Here are just a few: “Agree with your adversary quickly!” (Matt. 5:25, KJV). “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Prov. 15:1). “The beginning of strife is like letting out of water, so abandon the quarrel before it breaks out” (Prov. 17:14). “Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise . . .” (Prov. 17:28). STOP talking to the other person about the problems in your relationship—just be quiet, and if you must say something, say something kind!
“She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (Prov. 31:26). “Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man, but any fool will quarrel” (Prov. 20:3). And, “He who separates himself seeks his own desire, he quarrels against all sound wisdom” (Prov. 18:1). Have you been a contentious and argumentative woman? Refuse to argue with your husband, your child, your mother, your sister or your boss—instead, agree and watch each one of your relationships immediately improve! Even if what they say is unkind about you—agree!! Each time you try to defend yourself, rather than simply swallowing your pride and agreeing, you are encouraging further division.
Remove the hate or hurt; then try to look lovingly into your loved one’s eyes. “They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces will never be ashamed” (Ps. 34:5). “Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted” (Matt. 23:12, Luke 14:11, Luke 18:14). Peter asked how many times he should forgive his brother who sinned against him. “Seven times?” he suggested. But Jesus replied, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matt. 18:22). That’s 490 times! Have you decided not to forgive what this person has done to you (or to your children or to your career)? The lack of forgiveness is extremely dangerous.
You must begin to see this person as God sees them. You need to first forgive everyone and anyone (even any person who may be involved with this person with whom you are seeking restoration). This includes family members, close friends, co-workers who may have taken the job you deserved—everyone—even the other woman in your husband’s life! Once you have released this person through forgiveness, you will be ready to pray for the person God wants them to be. Stop looking at the bad things your son, or husband, or daughter, or boss, or your neighbor is doing. Replace those thoughts with asking God to show you the good this person is doing and especially the good they have done in the past.
Once you have repented, then you must be very careful and do not keep repenting.
Speak kindly and lovingly to your wayward loved one when you have an opportunity to talk with him or her. “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Prov. 16:24). “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones” (Prov. 17:22, Prov. 18:14). You don’t have to be joyful about your relationship and its problems; just be joyful that God has them all under His control. “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness” (Heb. 12:11).
Don’t listen to gossip or anyone who tries to give you bad reports about those whom you love. Love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails . . .” (1 Cor. 13:7–8). Maybe your husband says he’s not involved with another woman, yet you know he is. Nevertheless, you must choose to believe him. You’re not being stupid or naive; you are expressing unconditional or God’s love that “believes all things.” This goes for your son or daughter, boss, or closest friend.
Often we find that it is actually someone in your family or one of your closest friends who try to persuade you to pursue divorce or to force your son or daughter to move out. You must separate yourself from those who attempt to lead you astray from God’s plan (by feeding your flesh and emotions). “Leave the presence of a fool or you will not discern words of knowledge” (Prov. 14:7). “He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with a gossip” (Prov. 20:19). If you slander (speak behind their back) those in your life whom you want restoration with, others will slander them also, so keep quiet about what is going on! “Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy . . .” (Ps. 101:5). Therefore, once again, keep quiet about these issues in your life and share them only with the Lord.
Do not try to find out what the other person is up to. This means making the mistake of following them or doing any kind of snooping. If you do suspect there is someone else in your husband’s life, or you know that there is someone that your son or daughter is involved with, then do what God says: “Let your eyes look directly in front of you. Watch the path of your feet, and all your ways will be established” (Prov. 4:25). “Do not be afraid of sudden fear nor the onslaught of the wicked when it comes; for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught” (Prov. 3:25–26). And again, remember—love “believes all things” (1 Cor. 13:7). So don’t search through your son’s drawers or your daughter’s purse either.